Eh?

What was with the comment on my last entry? Nothing like bot-spam to make a person feel validated.

Feeling a bit blah right now...probably cuz my mind has been numbed by a few hours of tedious work. This is one of the few times in so long that I've actually had time for myself to sit and think and write in this thing (As I've put aside my work, and I'm only chatting with one person right now...).

Life has been fair to me, for the most part, since I last checked in. Many things I worry about, but I distract myself from one thing by thinking about the other.

I've gotten so lazy with my journaling. Never really wanna write anything down.

Things are now too crazy to even try to sort out. Wouldn't know where to start. I must say that I never cease to amaze myself...for someone who started out so unbearably shy and who still is quite introverted...not sure why I'm here. It would be so very funny if we could write letters to our past selves...and *receive* them. Craziness. I never would have believed myself.

Good thing is that my coping skills have gotten a lot better. Also, I feel like most things that trouble me are sort of my fault anyway. But, no more of that I-wish-I-were-dead crap from 10 years ago, no more ____, no more alcohol, no more mindless drunken hookups.

Here's my current obsession: Enur - Calabria.

life

preparing myself for months/years of hell and what not.

but you gotta do what you gotta do.
--

other things i really need to get on top of.

1. sleeping habits: goal is to sleep earlier, wake up earlier.

2. eating habits: stop pigging out, especially at night, eat healthy foods rather than junk food. i feel like i've gained 5 pounds since this semester started. i wish it didn't bother me so much, but it does.

3. figuring out what i want before i hurt people than i already have.

Religion

I'm not normally into religion, but I do admit it can be beautiful sometimes...such as in the recent case of the 2 faced girl born in India. She's being worshiped as a goddess and I do think that's a wonderful thing. Without religion, it would just be...a deformity, a handicap, ugliness, something that needs to be fixed...

So it follows, ignorance is bliss...but knowledge is power. Most of the time, I'll take the latter...

honey and the moon

don't know why i'm still afraid
if you weren't real i would make you up
now
i wish i could follow through
i know that your love is true
and deep
as the sea
but right now
everything you want is wrong
and right now
all your dreams are waking up
and right now
i wish i could follow you
to the shores
of freedom
where no one lives

remember when we first met
and everything was still a bet
in love's game
you would call; i'd call you back
and then i'd leave
a message
on your answering machine

but right now
everything is turning blue
and right now
the sun is trying to kill the moon
and right now
i wish i could follow you
to the shores
of freedom
where no one lives

freedom
run away tonight
freedom
run away tonight

we're made out of blood and rust
looking for someone to trust
without
a fight
i think that you came too soon
you're the honey and the moon
that lights
up my night

we've got too much time to kill
like pigeons on my windowsill
we hang around

ever since i've been with you
you hold me up
all the time i've fallen down

but right now
everything is turning blue
and right now
the sun is trying to kill the moon
and right now
i wish i could follow you
to the shores
of freedom
where no one lives

robert frost

whose woods these are i think i know
his house is in the village though
he will not see me stopping here
to watch his woods fill up with snow

my little horse must think it queer
to stop without a farmhouse near
between the woods and frozen lake
the darkest evening of the year

he gives his harness bells a shake
to ask if there is some mistake
the only other sound's the sweep
of easy wind and downy flake

the woods are lovely, dark and deep
but i have promises to keep
and miles to go before i sleep
and miles to go before i sleep